every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
