do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
