I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
