I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
