I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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