Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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