My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
