No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
