just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this beer tastes like vomit already
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
