Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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