Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
