i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize