We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Small penises have feelings too.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
