and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
