Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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