It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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