I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
