it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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