I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
