dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Please don't give away my fajitas
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
