my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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