Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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