On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
