I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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