Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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