I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
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Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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