a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just high enough for therapy.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
