Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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