I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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