I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
