I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you never un-have a 4some
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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