I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
