Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
