Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Randomize
