Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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