Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
