Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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