i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
bring money and cleavage
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
