Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
