And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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