Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
