Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize