So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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