Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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