don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
