this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
