don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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