He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
