why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There r osticjed everywhere
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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