ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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