I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
