My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
