so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
