Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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