So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish you could order shots online.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
