our cab driver is having phone sex.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
