Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
