Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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