Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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