remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
