Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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