Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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