You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
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cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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