Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just found puke in my bra..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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