if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
