tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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