we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
