Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
