So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
