he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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